End of the Story

Bet you thought I'd never get here, huh? :)

Well, everything was perfect and magical and stayed that way until the day we came home from the hospital. I felt fine until I stepped into my house, and then the reality of the situation set in: that I had two infants whose round-the-clock care I was the main provider of FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And, I felt the anxiety creeping up--massive, make-you-sweat, cry-for-no-apparent-reason anxiety. I knew it was hormone related because I would get really hot and sweaty and then I'd have a huge anxiety attack.

I'm not the kind of person who waits around to tough things out, so I called my doctor and asked for some kind of medicine the next day. She prescribed Zoloft, but four days later, instead of feeling relief, it felt like I was getting worse. I kept telling Jon that I felt like I was going crazy.

Meanwhile, instead of gaining weight, Nelle was losing weight. This news was crushing. I felt like I was killing myself feeding the two of them and literally getting about two hours of sleep a day, and then to find out that it was all counter-productive was about more than I could take. This news also meant that we had to start feeding the girls every two hours instead of three. With twins, this is no small task. It would take 20 minutes to feed one baby, then 20 minutes for the other, and then 20 minutes to pump. Which only left one hour until it all started again, and that was all day and night.

So, I called my doctor and got my medicine switched to Lexapro, and Jon found a nanny, Nelly. This was the best thing that could have happened to me. Since Jon works so much and especially around the time the babies were born, I had kind of felt like I was going at it alone, but when Nelly started I could finally hand over some responsibility to someone else, and it was exactly what I needed. Within the next week, I slowly started to return to my old self.

At first Nelly was coming during the day, but we eventually switched it to nights, and that's when I really started to enjoy being a mom. Spending the days with the girls is still really exhausting, but I can recharge at night and get ready to do it again the next day.

And now some pictures of my adorable girls:

Fern (my little diva)

Nelle (the sweetheart)

Part Three

As a little background, the women in my family have a history of prolonged bleeding after delivery. When I mentioned this to my doctor, she was especially alarmed because redheads apparently also have an increased risk of hemorrhaging (recessive genes strike again). So, she had taken all the precautions for the delivery, and I didn't have any excessive bleeding.



But, that afternoon I got the feeling that my water was breaking again, except this time it wasn't water but thick, dark blood. And concurrently, my epidural that they had left in for pain management was still not working. So, when I pushed the nurse button and showed her the blood, she called in more nurses who explained that I had a "boggy uterus," which means my uterus wasn't contracting down. The way to jump start that was to massage my uterus . . . that had just been cut open . . . without any working pain medicine. It was the most painful thing EVER, and it happened two more times during the next two days. During this whole time I was telling the nurses that my epidural wasn't working, and they were super condescending and asking me if I normally had such a low pain tolerance. Finally, one night I pushed the epidural button and felt liquid running down my back, and sure enough, the epidural hadn't been in for who knows how long. Weird, it seems like I had been saying that.

At that point they finally gave me pills for pain, and then I was fine for the rest of the stay. I didn't want to leave the hospital by the fourth day because I knew there wouldn't be any kind of nursery to take them at 2 am anymore, and I was going to miss that. Turns out I would miss it a lot more than I ever realized . . .

RIP Kenya

I'll continue the baby story soon, but I wanted a chance to remember Kenya. She was our 13 year old, sweet dog who passed away last week. She was the most loyal, sensitive animal, and our house already feels completely different without her. We love and miss you, girl.

Part Two

So, they wheeled me into the operating room, and right away I knew something was up with my epidural (which BTW hurt like a bitch going in). This was not the last epidural trouble I would have. I kept being able to feel the doctors pinching my stomach even though the sheet was up. They kept upping the medicine, and I kept feeling it, so they finally gave me laughing gas. It put me completely out until right when the babies were pulled out.

Fern Camilla was born first at 5:00 am, weighing 5 lbs. 8 oz.

Then came Nelle Harper, who was asleep when they pulled her out, at 5:01. She was 5 lbs. 2 oz.

We actually had their names switched when they were born, but Baby B (originally Fern) was seeming really passive, and Baby A (originally Nelle) was already a pistol, and we thought switching their names fit their personalities better.

So, we were in baby bliss until late that afternoon when I started bleeding . . .

They're Here (And Two Weeks Old)!! Part One

Okay, I know--I've totally sucked and not blogged in a ridiculously long time. Turns out, having twins is really time-consuming. But, let me start from the beginning . . .

April 1st I had a doctor's appt. I was 36 weeks, and I had a feeling that things were coming to an end because my swelling had gotten ridiculous. So, in an abundance of caution I packed my bags and headed to my appt. When I got there, they tested my urine and my blood pressure and both were no good. I had protein in my urine, and my blood pressure was high--both symptoms of preeclampsia. So, I was sent to labor and delivery to be monitored. I was there for about four hours, and things were really back and forth. A nurse would tell me that I would probably deliver that night, and then the doctor would come in and disagree. Finally, they decided to put me on bed rest in the hospital until my scheduled c-section, eight days from then.

So, Jon went home to get long term luggage, and I settled in to a really nice hospital room. When Jon came back he had a bottle of wine (for him) and a stack of Redbox movies (typical Jon), and we had a really great night. Little did we know that it would be the last night of just us, but it was perfect and really made me grateful to be doing this with him. I fell asleep at about 11:00.

At 2:40, I woke up to a really strange feeling of something catching inside of me. Two seconds later I felt the whoosh of my water breaking. I wish that I could tell you that I said something profound, but I think I really said, "Oh shit--Jon, my water just broke." The next thirty minutes were a blur. I left Jon to pack up our stuff while I was wheeled back down to labor and delivery. In the rush Jon managed to forget all of my clothes and shoes, but did remember to pack his half-empty bottle of wine. Priorities. I called my sister, and she called my mom and my friend, Ali. Within thirty minutes there was a party of my family, friend, and Jon in in the prep room . . .

35 Weeks

Jon pointed out this lovely resemblance this morning. He said it looks like I swallowed a toilet. I think he was a great poet in a former life.

How Far Along?: 35 weeks Wednesday

Total Weight Gain: 42 lbs.

Best Moment of the Week: Enjoying the easy life. This was my first week off work, so I got a facial, reread To Kill A Mockingbird, and had lunch with friends. Turns out not working while not having kids is awesome.

Movement: They're still squirming around in there. Although, one night before falling asleep, one of the babies kicked me so hard in the hip that I literally fell out of bed. Jon said it was cool looking.

Bellybutton: Like it never existed.

What I Miss: Everything about not being pregnant. Props to you if you're one of those touchy-feely types who just loves feeling the burgeoning life inside you, but I am not. While I am ridiculously exited about the girls coming, I like feeling of the season's first margarita inside me or a new pair of skinny jeans around me.

What I Am Looking Forward To: I get the Group Strep B test this week at the ObGyn's, which apparently involves swabbing my butt. I haven't seen that much action in two trimesters.

Weekly Wisdom: Non-pregnancy related . . . I went and saw Remember Me because I will do anything for Robert Pattinson. My advice to you--leave before the last five minutes. Really dumb ending.

Milestones: Since the babies have reached 35 weeks, their chances of having to stay in the NICU become very low. That is such a relief.

And, in case you need a little perspective. Here's me at 35 weeks and at 14 weeks. I thought I was so big. That deserves an eye roll.

Shrek Feet