Moments of Fatness

I wanted to make sure that I memorialized these moments before I forget. I've had a few incidents since I got big that are like a sitcom-style snapshot into being gigantic. Humbling--but hysterical.

1. I was eating out of a large bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. I had gotten up to get a drink, and when I went to sit back down on the couch with Jon, that's when things got fat. I can't bend at the waist at all. So to sit, I really have to just position my butt over the seat and fall backward. It's a new brand of trust fall. Except this time I didn't calculate my landing appropriately and sat on the bag of Doritos. And then had a hard time getting up off of them. Jon was sitting next to me, and there was just disgust written all over his face. Nothing like seeing your ginormous wife struggling to get off of the bag of Doritos she just sat on.

2. I wore some maternity pants that I had purchased when I first started showing but hadn't worn in a while. By the time I got to school, they were cutting my circulation off at the waist. So I thought I'd just cut the waistband a little. But, the material was slightly stretchy, so when I cut they then ripped another 2-3 inches, leaving a lovely little slit from my waist to mid-thigh. I had to teach the rest of the day with my shirt self-consciously pulled down to my knees. It was pretty hot.