35 Weeks

Jon pointed out this lovely resemblance this morning. He said it looks like I swallowed a toilet. I think he was a great poet in a former life.

How Far Along?: 35 weeks Wednesday

Total Weight Gain: 42 lbs.

Best Moment of the Week: Enjoying the easy life. This was my first week off work, so I got a facial, reread To Kill A Mockingbird, and had lunch with friends. Turns out not working while not having kids is awesome.

Movement: They're still squirming around in there. Although, one night before falling asleep, one of the babies kicked me so hard in the hip that I literally fell out of bed. Jon said it was cool looking.

Bellybutton: Like it never existed.

What I Miss: Everything about not being pregnant. Props to you if you're one of those touchy-feely types who just loves feeling the burgeoning life inside you, but I am not. While I am ridiculously exited about the girls coming, I like feeling of the season's first margarita inside me or a new pair of skinny jeans around me.

What I Am Looking Forward To: I get the Group Strep B test this week at the ObGyn's, which apparently involves swabbing my butt. I haven't seen that much action in two trimesters.

Weekly Wisdom: Non-pregnancy related . . . I went and saw Remember Me because I will do anything for Robert Pattinson. My advice to you--leave before the last five minutes. Really dumb ending.

Milestones: Since the babies have reached 35 weeks, their chances of having to stay in the NICU become very low. That is such a relief.

And, in case you need a little perspective. Here's me at 35 weeks and at 14 weeks. I thought I was so big. That deserves an eye roll.

Shrek Feet

33 Weeks

How Far Along?: 33 Weeks

Total Weight Gain: 35 lbs.

Best Moment of the Week: Realizing that this is my last week of work!

Movement: They are big enough now that if they kick in the right place, it moves my entire body. They're pretty pumped about kicking me as hard as they can in my hip bones. All I have to say is payback's a B. Just kidding.

Bellybutton: . . . is ruining my life. Last week my bellybutton decided to go rogue and try to tear its way out of my skin. At least that's how I'm explaining the stretchmarks all over the place (see above picture).


What I Miss: Not being able to blend in. People are compelled to talk to me when they see my stomach. I'm the kind of person who would prefer to sit through an hour long haircut in complete silence. It's not because I'm shy; it's really just because I'm not friendly. I think I was meant to be born in some cold, uptight northern big city where there is no obligation to make small talk with every random Joe that you'll never see again. So, this pregnancy thing is throwing that whole thing way out of whack. And it's really cute/fun answering 50 comments a day like "Watch out--there's probably not any food left in the cafeteria now" after I leave. HYSTERICAL.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Being normal sized again. I know I'm harping on this, but I'm to the point where there is nothing cute left about my pregnancy, and I really want my old body back.

Weekly Wisdom: I've got nothing. I feel like I lose any pregnancy wisdom credibility after you see the attached picture of my stomach. I'm clearly doing something wrong.

Milestone: Friday is my last day to work for the indefinite future. While I'm looking forward to this for now, seeing as how I can hardly walk, I'm scared too. Change is always scary, and I really love my job and the people I work with. I just keep telling myself that if I don't like staying home, I can always go back. I think the only thing to do will be to overdose on pedicures and trashy daytime TV until the transition's over.

Molested at the Donut Store

That title is no lie. This morning I stopped by a new donut store to pick up a few kolaches (don' t get me started--I live for kolaches). Two Asian ladies were working behind the counter. The older lady started by asking the typical pregnancy questions: When are you due? What are you having? etc. When I told them I was having twins that's when the shiz hit the fan.

Said older lady came from around the donut counter, walked behind me, and wrapped her arms around my waist to feel my stomach. I was standing in a donut store being spooned by an older Asian lady. Then after intimately caressing my stomach for a weirdly long time and speaking in another language, so I really don't know what the hell is going on, she patted my back and butt and told me that she approved of the amount of weight I've gained. SERIOUSLY. Thank God the donut store lady, with all of her vast knowledge of obstetrics, approves of my current weight.

The weirdest part was that I just stood there while being groped at 7:45 am in a donut store. No reaction. That is not how I would have foreseen that situation playing out in my mind.