End of the Story

Bet you thought I'd never get here, huh? :)

Well, everything was perfect and magical and stayed that way until the day we came home from the hospital. I felt fine until I stepped into my house, and then the reality of the situation set in: that I had two infants whose round-the-clock care I was the main provider of FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. And, I felt the anxiety creeping up--massive, make-you-sweat, cry-for-no-apparent-reason anxiety. I knew it was hormone related because I would get really hot and sweaty and then I'd have a huge anxiety attack.

I'm not the kind of person who waits around to tough things out, so I called my doctor and asked for some kind of medicine the next day. She prescribed Zoloft, but four days later, instead of feeling relief, it felt like I was getting worse. I kept telling Jon that I felt like I was going crazy.

Meanwhile, instead of gaining weight, Nelle was losing weight. This news was crushing. I felt like I was killing myself feeding the two of them and literally getting about two hours of sleep a day, and then to find out that it was all counter-productive was about more than I could take. This news also meant that we had to start feeding the girls every two hours instead of three. With twins, this is no small task. It would take 20 minutes to feed one baby, then 20 minutes for the other, and then 20 minutes to pump. Which only left one hour until it all started again, and that was all day and night.

So, I called my doctor and got my medicine switched to Lexapro, and Jon found a nanny, Nelly. This was the best thing that could have happened to me. Since Jon works so much and especially around the time the babies were born, I had kind of felt like I was going at it alone, but when Nelly started I could finally hand over some responsibility to someone else, and it was exactly what I needed. Within the next week, I slowly started to return to my old self.

At first Nelly was coming during the day, but we eventually switched it to nights, and that's when I really started to enjoy being a mom. Spending the days with the girls is still really exhausting, but I can recharge at night and get ready to do it again the next day.

And now some pictures of my adorable girls:

Fern (my little diva)

Nelle (the sweetheart)

Part Three

As a little background, the women in my family have a history of prolonged bleeding after delivery. When I mentioned this to my doctor, she was especially alarmed because redheads apparently also have an increased risk of hemorrhaging (recessive genes strike again). So, she had taken all the precautions for the delivery, and I didn't have any excessive bleeding.



But, that afternoon I got the feeling that my water was breaking again, except this time it wasn't water but thick, dark blood. And concurrently, my epidural that they had left in for pain management was still not working. So, when I pushed the nurse button and showed her the blood, she called in more nurses who explained that I had a "boggy uterus," which means my uterus wasn't contracting down. The way to jump start that was to massage my uterus . . . that had just been cut open . . . without any working pain medicine. It was the most painful thing EVER, and it happened two more times during the next two days. During this whole time I was telling the nurses that my epidural wasn't working, and they were super condescending and asking me if I normally had such a low pain tolerance. Finally, one night I pushed the epidural button and felt liquid running down my back, and sure enough, the epidural hadn't been in for who knows how long. Weird, it seems like I had been saying that.

At that point they finally gave me pills for pain, and then I was fine for the rest of the stay. I didn't want to leave the hospital by the fourth day because I knew there wouldn't be any kind of nursery to take them at 2 am anymore, and I was going to miss that. Turns out I would miss it a lot more than I ever realized . . .

RIP Kenya

I'll continue the baby story soon, but I wanted a chance to remember Kenya. She was our 13 year old, sweet dog who passed away last week. She was the most loyal, sensitive animal, and our house already feels completely different without her. We love and miss you, girl.

Part Two

So, they wheeled me into the operating room, and right away I knew something was up with my epidural (which BTW hurt like a bitch going in). This was not the last epidural trouble I would have. I kept being able to feel the doctors pinching my stomach even though the sheet was up. They kept upping the medicine, and I kept feeling it, so they finally gave me laughing gas. It put me completely out until right when the babies were pulled out.

Fern Camilla was born first at 5:00 am, weighing 5 lbs. 8 oz.

Then came Nelle Harper, who was asleep when they pulled her out, at 5:01. She was 5 lbs. 2 oz.

We actually had their names switched when they were born, but Baby B (originally Fern) was seeming really passive, and Baby A (originally Nelle) was already a pistol, and we thought switching their names fit their personalities better.

So, we were in baby bliss until late that afternoon when I started bleeding . . .

They're Here (And Two Weeks Old)!! Part One

Okay, I know--I've totally sucked and not blogged in a ridiculously long time. Turns out, having twins is really time-consuming. But, let me start from the beginning . . .

April 1st I had a doctor's appt. I was 36 weeks, and I had a feeling that things were coming to an end because my swelling had gotten ridiculous. So, in an abundance of caution I packed my bags and headed to my appt. When I got there, they tested my urine and my blood pressure and both were no good. I had protein in my urine, and my blood pressure was high--both symptoms of preeclampsia. So, I was sent to labor and delivery to be monitored. I was there for about four hours, and things were really back and forth. A nurse would tell me that I would probably deliver that night, and then the doctor would come in and disagree. Finally, they decided to put me on bed rest in the hospital until my scheduled c-section, eight days from then.

So, Jon went home to get long term luggage, and I settled in to a really nice hospital room. When Jon came back he had a bottle of wine (for him) and a stack of Redbox movies (typical Jon), and we had a really great night. Little did we know that it would be the last night of just us, but it was perfect and really made me grateful to be doing this with him. I fell asleep at about 11:00.

At 2:40, I woke up to a really strange feeling of something catching inside of me. Two seconds later I felt the whoosh of my water breaking. I wish that I could tell you that I said something profound, but I think I really said, "Oh shit--Jon, my water just broke." The next thirty minutes were a blur. I left Jon to pack up our stuff while I was wheeled back down to labor and delivery. In the rush Jon managed to forget all of my clothes and shoes, but did remember to pack his half-empty bottle of wine. Priorities. I called my sister, and she called my mom and my friend, Ali. Within thirty minutes there was a party of my family, friend, and Jon in in the prep room . . .

35 Weeks

Jon pointed out this lovely resemblance this morning. He said it looks like I swallowed a toilet. I think he was a great poet in a former life.

How Far Along?: 35 weeks Wednesday

Total Weight Gain: 42 lbs.

Best Moment of the Week: Enjoying the easy life. This was my first week off work, so I got a facial, reread To Kill A Mockingbird, and had lunch with friends. Turns out not working while not having kids is awesome.

Movement: They're still squirming around in there. Although, one night before falling asleep, one of the babies kicked me so hard in the hip that I literally fell out of bed. Jon said it was cool looking.

Bellybutton: Like it never existed.

What I Miss: Everything about not being pregnant. Props to you if you're one of those touchy-feely types who just loves feeling the burgeoning life inside you, but I am not. While I am ridiculously exited about the girls coming, I like feeling of the season's first margarita inside me or a new pair of skinny jeans around me.

What I Am Looking Forward To: I get the Group Strep B test this week at the ObGyn's, which apparently involves swabbing my butt. I haven't seen that much action in two trimesters.

Weekly Wisdom: Non-pregnancy related . . . I went and saw Remember Me because I will do anything for Robert Pattinson. My advice to you--leave before the last five minutes. Really dumb ending.

Milestones: Since the babies have reached 35 weeks, their chances of having to stay in the NICU become very low. That is such a relief.

And, in case you need a little perspective. Here's me at 35 weeks and at 14 weeks. I thought I was so big. That deserves an eye roll.

Shrek Feet

33 Weeks

How Far Along?: 33 Weeks

Total Weight Gain: 35 lbs.

Best Moment of the Week: Realizing that this is my last week of work!

Movement: They are big enough now that if they kick in the right place, it moves my entire body. They're pretty pumped about kicking me as hard as they can in my hip bones. All I have to say is payback's a B. Just kidding.

Bellybutton: . . . is ruining my life. Last week my bellybutton decided to go rogue and try to tear its way out of my skin. At least that's how I'm explaining the stretchmarks all over the place (see above picture).


What I Miss: Not being able to blend in. People are compelled to talk to me when they see my stomach. I'm the kind of person who would prefer to sit through an hour long haircut in complete silence. It's not because I'm shy; it's really just because I'm not friendly. I think I was meant to be born in some cold, uptight northern big city where there is no obligation to make small talk with every random Joe that you'll never see again. So, this pregnancy thing is throwing that whole thing way out of whack. And it's really cute/fun answering 50 comments a day like "Watch out--there's probably not any food left in the cafeteria now" after I leave. HYSTERICAL.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Being normal sized again. I know I'm harping on this, but I'm to the point where there is nothing cute left about my pregnancy, and I really want my old body back.

Weekly Wisdom: I've got nothing. I feel like I lose any pregnancy wisdom credibility after you see the attached picture of my stomach. I'm clearly doing something wrong.

Milestone: Friday is my last day to work for the indefinite future. While I'm looking forward to this for now, seeing as how I can hardly walk, I'm scared too. Change is always scary, and I really love my job and the people I work with. I just keep telling myself that if I don't like staying home, I can always go back. I think the only thing to do will be to overdose on pedicures and trashy daytime TV until the transition's over.

Molested at the Donut Store

That title is no lie. This morning I stopped by a new donut store to pick up a few kolaches (don' t get me started--I live for kolaches). Two Asian ladies were working behind the counter. The older lady started by asking the typical pregnancy questions: When are you due? What are you having? etc. When I told them I was having twins that's when the shiz hit the fan.

Said older lady came from around the donut counter, walked behind me, and wrapped her arms around my waist to feel my stomach. I was standing in a donut store being spooned by an older Asian lady. Then after intimately caressing my stomach for a weirdly long time and speaking in another language, so I really don't know what the hell is going on, she patted my back and butt and told me that she approved of the amount of weight I've gained. SERIOUSLY. Thank God the donut store lady, with all of her vast knowledge of obstetrics, approves of my current weight.

The weirdest part was that I just stood there while being groped at 7:45 am in a donut store. No reaction. That is not how I would have foreseen that situation playing out in my mind.

Holy Stomach

31 Weeks, Mother-F***er.

Moments of Fatness

I wanted to make sure that I memorialized these moments before I forget. I've had a few incidents since I got big that are like a sitcom-style snapshot into being gigantic. Humbling--but hysterical.

1. I was eating out of a large bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos. I had gotten up to get a drink, and when I went to sit back down on the couch with Jon, that's when things got fat. I can't bend at the waist at all. So to sit, I really have to just position my butt over the seat and fall backward. It's a new brand of trust fall. Except this time I didn't calculate my landing appropriately and sat on the bag of Doritos. And then had a hard time getting up off of them. Jon was sitting next to me, and there was just disgust written all over his face. Nothing like seeing your ginormous wife struggling to get off of the bag of Doritos she just sat on.

2. I wore some maternity pants that I had purchased when I first started showing but hadn't worn in a while. By the time I got to school, they were cutting my circulation off at the waist. So I thought I'd just cut the waistband a little. But, the material was slightly stretchy, so when I cut they then ripped another 2-3 inches, leaving a lovely little slit from my waist to mid-thigh. I had to teach the rest of the day with my shirt self-consciously pulled down to my knees. It was pretty hot.

29 Weeks

Well I had a perinatologist appt. today, and here's the update:

Baby A is 3 lbs. 4 oz. (66th percentile), and Baby B is 3 lbs (46th percentile). Cervix is ridiculously closed, and for as thankful as I am for that--it's looking like I'm working until the bitter end.

One more thing, during the ultrasound, Baby A kicked Baby B. So, Baby B's little hand shot out with her finger pointing at Baby A, like she was letting her have it. Hysterical--the fighting has already begun in utero.

P.S. If you're having trouble deciphering the pictures, Baby A is lying on her right cheek, facing the camera. Baby B is upright with her head cranked over on her left shoulder. Joanna says she'll need a baby massage when she gets out.

28 weeks

How far along?: 28 weeks

Total weight gain: 28 lbs.

Best Moment of the Week: My shower! My friends and sisters threw me the most fun shower at a Mexican restaurant owned and operated by a giant transvestite. It was perfect! I got so many presents; I am the luckiest girl ever. I've had so much fun this week opening everything and organizing it in the babies' room. Here are pictures from my sister, Joanna's, blog: http://talesfromtheskymom.blogspot.com/2010/01/mamacita.html

Movement: I think they have less room in there than before because now instead of kicks, it looks like a fish is swimming underneath my stomach skin.

Belly Button: Officially out. And maybe someone should tell 17 yr. olds that belly button rings cause scar tissue, which doesn't stretch when you're pregnant. So, now the only stretch marks I have on my stomach are from my stupid ring hole. It's still hot, though.

What I Miss: Not having contractions. I'm having non-threatening contractions about 4 times an hour, round the clock. It's weird feeling like your stomach is literally housing a keg: gigantic and hard as steel. And, you can creepy-style see the shape of the baby bodies every time. It is freaky.

What I Am Looking Forward To: We scheduled my c-section today, and it falls on my late father's birthday, so that's pretty neat. April 9th is go time.

Weekly Wisdom: Don't tell a pregnant lady she can't wear leggings to work. My boss should feel thankful that all of my parts are even covered. I only fit in tent-wear now, and there's no way to pull those off without leggings.

Milestones: I'm officially in the third trimester. Nine weeks to go!

Book Shower

I had my first shower last night! This shower was given by the English teachers I work with. In true English teacher style, they threw me a book shower.

I even had a literature themed cake--love it!

And now check out the girls' book shelf. They are already so spoiled.

26 Weeks

Well, I had a little scare yesterday. It was a really pretty, sunny day, and I thought I could manage walking the dogs around the park that's across the street. Apparently not--I started having contractions. They weren't very close together, but creepy nonetheless. When you looked down you could see the outline of their bodies under the skin because it was stretched so tight. So, I had to stay off my feet the rest of the day. That's harder than it sounds. Jon's been working crazy hours, and I'm OCD about the house being clean, and the combo. just doesn't work. Needless to say, I woke up this morning, and the kitchen looked exactly the same as it did after dinner. That's never happened. And, I'm not going to say it was okay. It made me feel sick, and washing dishes that have been left out all night is totally disgusting. Cold, foody water is sick enough to make me immediately clean the kitchen after every meal to avoid it.

So, I went to the doctor and got my cervix checked. That was pleasant. It was like the worst, teenage sexual experience you could imagine. But, thankfully, it was fine--not open a bit. However, as I was lying down on the table, naked from the waist down in butterfly position, the doctor is telling me about something and then starts stuttering. Then he goes, "Sorry, I got distracted." Seriously? You cannot say you got distracted when I'm in naked butterfly position. I'm convinced I have a major grooming situation going on that he just couldn't get past. Oh, and he said he couldn't see evidence of my varicose vein, so that wasn't it. Yes, I told him about it. I was hoping it might get me bed rest. No dice.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

I have a pregnancy-induced varicose vein on my lady parts. Do you understand what I'm saying? A varicose vein (the same thing as a hemorrhoid) on my junk.

I no longer have the will to live.